Jan 9, 2012

From the Annals of Greg Edelston, Ages Five Through Eight

I recently discovered my old diary. I received it in 1998, when I was five years old. I'll let it speak for itself. I have reproduced all the text to the best of my ability. Bracketed text was added in by Present-Day Me. I don't think I knew what brackets were.

---

1998.
I hAVe cool
  underWARe.
    It is BASeBALL
     one's.

[They were really cool, in my defense.]

---

Still 1998.
DeAR DiA

[I suspect that I lost interest here.]

---

Still 1998.
DiAry.
hope you'r hAppy now.
happy neW-
yeAr!
L-
o-
V-
e
G-
r-
e-
g.

[Two things to explain: one, I believe the "love, Greg" was meant to harken to the "dear Diary" standard; and two, it is of my opinion that I had just learned about using a dash to indicate that you would be continuing your word on the next line.]

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1999 JAN1'St
i WiLL try 6 New FOOD's WhiNe
Wke Whi WheN
im 6.
iL EeAt
  Better.
AND Meet
    NeW FreND'S.

---

Mar, 30, 99
Oh. eveonye
thinks that Captin -
Baca stinks
like a yellow
peice of cheese.
But Me I say
He's OK ais long
a BEAR ! [This exclamation point has a sad face instead of the dot.]

[First piece of important background information: Captain Baka was one of my invisible friends. But that's a story for a different day.]
Second: This was based on a song sung by D.W. on the TV show Arthur. The original lyrics can be found on this imdb page, as well as in the proceeding diary entry. I apparently channeled my artistic musings through this song.]

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      Oh, ever-
       YBodY thin-
         ks that my
          Brother stin-
             ks like a
             YelloW
peise of Chees.,
   But Me i say
he's O.k. as-
  long as ther's
    a Breeze!

---



















---

Ju/4/99
  Oh, evryBoby
   thinks
   that I stink
-nk like
  a Brown Ch-
   [illegible symbol]! But me
  I say i'm o.k
   as lonG as
   terther's
ffroG.


[I must have really liked this song.]

---

Ju/4/9-
9
Dear DiAry,
 SleeP Well.
  SleeP Good.
Be nice ToM-
oro.
 Good BoY.
   L-
   O-
   V-
   e
    Gr-
    eg


[My best guess is that this was a further extrapolation from the whole "Dear Diary"/writing-to-the-diary-and-therefore-it-must-be-a-sentient-creature thing? But I don't have any recollection of thinking that my diary was alive.]

---

Nov.|13/99

[Brevity is wit.]

---

Dear Diary,
I'm 7 now
and it's 8/14/00.
BOTH "sissies"
am annoy me.


Write back
 soon,
  Gregory.
   P.S. I have been
taking piano les-
sons 3| giving
them.

[Okay. First off, obvious time lapse here. Next. I would like to formally apologize to Rosie and Julie. You do not annoy me. And I'm sorry for calling you sissies. Next: I do not know how I expected my diary to write back soon, lest if Tom Riddle resided therein. And finally, I should note that that symbol at the end was supposed to be an ampersand.]

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8.25.00
Dear Diary,
I have a
connfetion to make,
but DON'T TELL
IT TO ANYONE!
O.K.? Good. Now,
here it is. I
sleep with two
blankies. Piano
lessons go well!
Your pal,

Gregory.

[I don't remember ever going by Gregory. I do remember being terribly ashamed about Bankie and Binky. Bankie was the original. When he started to get too tattered, I received another blankey. I think my parents expected I would stop using the first one. As if. As it happened, a third one followed suit thereafter: Bankie Jr., or B.J., for short. Ain't no hatin' on my blankies.]

---

10.4.01

Dear Diary,

I started writing

a somg! For school

I've been put in

3N. Miss Nelson's

O.K. Today, we earned
S.U.P.E.R.!
    Love,
    Greg.

[This song was AWESOME. It was all about different kinds of food. If I remember correctly, it was heavily influenced by *NYSNC. The only lyrics I can remember are the two lines, "You can have yogurt with sprinkles / Just don't get caught making a tinkle" (referring, of course, to peeing; I think it was the only rhyme for "sprinkle" I could think of).
Also, 8-Year-Old-Me doesn't know jack about good teachers. Miss Nelson was the coolest.]

5 comments:

  1. This is wonderful. I wish I kept a diary when I was young just so I could laugh at it now.

    I love how you anthropomorphize your diary.

    ReplyDelete
  2. The picture is broken! I demand that you post a working link.

    ReplyDelete