Mar 30, 2011

Why Urinals Need Walls

So I sauntered into the bathroom, fully prepared to have the pee of my life. As it happened, there were two classy gentlemen of the highest degree already occupying the bathroom: one peeing at the urinal, the other just finishing up. Both men were racial - African-American, specifically - and spoke in slurs.

I had entered the bathroom in medias res. As I approached my urinal, the gentleman peeing said something to his departing friend. It was utterly unintelligible due to his lack of desire to fully close his mouth when pronouncing consonants; however, his companion seemed to take delight in his epigram, and responded in a similar fashion as he left us.

I'm was comfortable with this. I was not efforting to communicate with these peers (pun intended) of mine, and thus has no need to comprehend their conversation. I began to find my comrade's mannerisms a touch strange, however, when he continued to speak to his associate well after the door had been closed.

Allow me to at this point roughly describe the sequence of events as a timeline. Within a few seconds of my walking in, the chap at the urinal spoke for the first time. His friend responded immediately and closed the door as he did so. It was at least a full second or two past there before my comrade-in-urination threw back what I can only assume to have been a witticism. Then, about five to seven seconds later, he began to freestyle.

Yes, freestyling, in the bathroom, while peeing, alone, with me. He didn't look at me. Granted, he didn't keep his head straight pointed at the wall, either; he had more swagger than that, and had it in him to slouch as he peed and rapped. I don't believe his rap was from a published album, but I can't be entirely sure, as I couldn't understand a word he said, save for the occasional "fuhhin'" and "niiuh."

I kept my eyes forward, of course, but I saw through my peripheral vision that he was getting somewhat into his rap. As he finished up his excretory depletion, he zipped up (fruitlessly, if you ask me, judging by how low his pants were), and swaggered out of the bathroom, still rapping as he went.

And he didn't even wash his hands.

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