Dec 1, 2010

Mission: Vocal Rest. Status: Failure.

As you may recall, today was supposed to be the day that I go on vocal rest. I woke up this morning and felt like my throat was a little better, but really not superbest. My back was no longer in extreme discomfort - it was about a 1/10, but pain was still present - and I could mostly speak. However, I decided that my voice would heal better if I went through with the vocal rest anyway.

I went downstairs and found a piece of paper, and wrote on it: I'M LOSING MY VOICE, SO I'M TRYING TO SPEAK AS LITTLE AS POSSIBLE TODAY. PARDON MY RUDENESS. I stuffed that in my pocket, along with a notepad in case I needed to tell any longer sentences to anyone, and went on my way.

The first thing that I had this morning was a meeting of the Latin club, which went pretty well. I had to read one line of Latin about four times, but I decided that that was a worthwhile loss, and just refused to talk the entire rest of the time.

I then had physics. I spent the majority of physics not speaking at all, instead furiously scribbling on my notepad and running across the room to tell people things, but later decided that whispering is really just breathing while moving your mouth, and that I could therefore whisper. I began to whisper sentences where necessary, often pretty loudly.

At this point I had basically stopped writing on my notepad, so I'll take a brief interlude to describe a few of my favorites:

  • But then it would be moving the wrong way, NERD.
  • Except light can have higher amplitude w/ same period, you nerd
  • In AoM, it's code 028.
  • [A tasteful depiction of Connor the Derailer, Connor being a kid in my physics class. CtD is wearing a gladiator helmet and a Math Team sweatshirt.]
A few hours later, I had a fantastic realization: I only strained my voice when speaking in  my standard register or any higher. If I spoke in a bass range, there was no problem. Thus, I began to speak in a low sexy Barry White register. (Well, I thought of it that way. It probably came off as more of just a low register.) The reasons that this was excellent were twofold: I got to be sexy, and I was able to talk!

Well uh, that worked for about two hours, and then I just completely forgot to speak in a low register, and instead starting yelling and screaming and singing just like usual. I sang quite a fair bit, which was pretty amusing, half due to the strain and half due to my inability to aim resulting from my illness. I also at one point need to girlishly shriek for comical effect, which simply did not produce any noise at all.

So, conclusion: I can't not speak.

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