The Emptying of the Utility Pockets

Some of you may recall the existence of Utility Pockets, which are essentially neverending black holes of stuff. I stopped wearing the UP-bearing jacket about a month or two ago, because it just got terribly dirty. You may be wondering why I didn't just put it in the wash, then; to this, I respond with a friendly reminder of how involved that process is, simply because of the sheer number of things I would need to put away. Well, this morning I finally took it upon myself to empty the pockets so I could wash my jacket. Here's the inventory of what I removed:

• 1 half-eaten bag of Cheerios (Apple-Cinnamon)
• Two pairs of 3D "Real-D" glasses - one from Coraline, one from Megamind
• A bulleted list of reasons that I am not a hipster
• Pens
• One Pilot Varsity fountain pen
• Two generic blue Staples pens
• One Pilot G-2 05
• One Zebra telescopic pen
• The coolest ever; I can't recommend this enough
• http://www.zebrapen.com/products/pen/telescopic-0?c=29
• One green pencil, in very poor shape
• Three green Hershey's Kiss wrappers
• One bulleted list of all the camping trips I've been on in the last four years
• Five physics problems, each written on a separate 1.5"x3" sheet of paper
• The phone numbers of two people in the Boy Scouts
• A sheet of notes that my guidance counselor took about my college hunt
• $10
• The phone number of Gunn, the coolest taxi driver (in Pittsburgh)
• Actually, he deserves an entire post dedicated to him.
• And, of course, the headlight.

Expect this to be a recurring thing. Except not that often. Because I don't really empty my pockets often. Ever.