Nov 7, 2010

How To Have A Thanksgiving Dinner, by Greg Edelston, Age 7

So recently, my mom discovered what I believe to be a homework assignment from when I was in second grade, at age seven. I can only assume that the assignment was "Describe how to have a Thanksgiving dinner. Provide an accompanying picture." My handwriting is almost the same as it is today, and there are only two spelling errors. I was also apparently the most hilarious seven-year-old in the word, with a full understanding of comedic theory. So here's what I wrote:

Greg Edelston, 11/21/00

  1. Get you'r [sic] gun.
  2. Fill it up.
  3. Go outside.
  4. Find a turkey.
  5. Get a good distance from it.
  6. Shoot.
  7. Shoot until you kill the turkey.
  8. Bring the turkey home.
  9. Give it a feather-cut. [I assume that I was referring to a turkey's equivalent of a haircut, but I'm not 100% sure.]
  10. Put it in the oven.
  11. Set the timer for 20 min.
  12. After 20 minutes, take it out.
  13. Set the table fancily.
  14. Get chairs.
  15. Let the turkey cool off.
  16. Invite people to dinner.
  17. Wait.
  18. Notice that the turkey is cold.
  19. Heat it up.
  20. Listen to the doorbell ring.
  21. Let you'r [sic] visitors in.
  22. Get the turkey.
  23. Eat the turkey.
  24. Enjoy!
  25. Save the leftovers.
  26. Throw it away after a week.
The following picture is stapled to the front:

I yearn for the days when I was this funny.