Nov 1, 2010

A Magic Portal in the Bathroom!

Okay. I really don't think anyone gets more excitement out of going to the bathroom than I do; but when I used the bathroom this afternoon, instead of excitement, all I felt was disappointment. Let me explain.

Okay, so. I stayed after school today. I used the bathroom. When I walked in, I at first thought that the janitors were in there or something, because the lighting was dim and I could hear someone inside; however, it turned out to just have the lights off and someone else was on his way out. No big deal. HOWEVER! All of the stalls were pretty far shut except the farthest one, which was turned roughly 30-45 degrees open. And there was this beautiful yellow light pouring out of it.

Literally, no other lights were on in the entire bathroom. There was just the light coming out of the far stall, inviting me forward. And it was only out the door, not the top. It was magical. It was clearly a portal to an alternate dimension.

I put my priorities straight and peed in a urinal first. I wouldn't want to pee in the magic portal. Over the course of my peeing, I thought: what if it really is a portal? Do they hide portals in toilets? Yeah, I saw this anime once where they did that. Oh, but I have a friend waiting for me to come back and play chess with him in the other room. Wouldn't it be rude to leave him hanging? Oh, but maybe time passes slower in this world than in the real world, like in Inception or The Phantom Tollbooth. Oh, but what if it works the other way around, like in the Lotus Casino from Percy Jackson? Or what if it's like in ChalkZone and I can't even get out unless I complete some requisite?

I jest not. All this passed through my head over the course of my urination.

Upon a good flushing, I made a beeline for the magic stall. I opened the door excitedly, only to find a regular handicapped toilet. (Handicapped meaning the one with the bar so that impaired folk can stand up or something.) I reached my hand down to flush, but stopped myself. And it's a good thing I did - I might have missed a very important step! I cleverly grabbed onto the handicap bar and pulled it down. Clearly, it was a secret switch, and the portal wouldn't work unless the lever was down. I gripped firmly onto the now-horizontal bar and flushed.


Needless to say, I was wrought with disappointment. I put up the secret switch/handicap bar, left the stall, and departed from the bathroom, fully dejected. My hopes of being teleported to a magical toilet world were dashed.

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